These Phrases from My Parent Which Saved Me during my time as a Brand-New Dad

"I think I was just trying to survive for a year."

Former Made In Chelsea cast member Ryan Libbey expected to cope with the challenges of fatherhood.

However the reality quickly became "very different" to what he pictured.

Severe health issues around the birth resulted in his partner Louise being hospitalised. Abruptly he was forced into acting as her main carer in addition to looking after their baby boy Leo.

"I handled each nighttime feed, every change… each outing. The job of mother and father," Ryan explained.

Following 11 months he reached burnout. It was a chat with his own dad, on a park bench, that made him realise he couldn't do it alone.

The simple statement "You're not in a healthy space. You must get support. In what way can I assist you?" opened the door for Ryan to talk openly, ask for help and find a way back.

His story is commonplace, but infrequently talked about. Although the public is now better used to addressing the pressure on mothers and about post-natal depression, less is said about the struggles dads go through.

Asking for help is not weak to ask for help

Ryan believes his challenges are linked to a wider reluctance to talk among men, who often hold onto harmful perceptions of manhood.

Men, he says, frequently believe they must be "the rock that just gets smashed and stays upright with each wave."

"It isn't a display of being weak to request help. I failed to do that fast enough," he clarifies.

Mental health expert Dr Jill Domoney, a researcher specialising in mental health before and after childbirth, notes men often don't want to acknowledge they're having a hard time.

They can think they are "not the right person to be seeking help" - especially in front of a mum and baby - but she emphasises their mental well-being is vitally important to the household.

Ryan's heart-to-heart with his dad offered him the chance to take a respite - taking a short trip overseas, away from the home environment, to gain perspective.

He came to see he had to make a change to pay attention to his and his partner's emotions in addition to the practical tasks of caring for a newborn.

When he opened up to Louise, he realised he'd failed to notice "what she needed" -physical connection and listening to her.

Reparenting yourself'

That insight has transformed how Ryan perceives fatherhood.

He's now composing Leo weekly letters about his feelings as a dad, which he aspires his son will look at as he grows up.

Ryan hopes these will enable his son to more fully comprehend the expression of emotional life and understand his decisions as a father.

The notion of "self-parenting" is something artist Professor Green - real name Stephen Manderson - has also experienced deeply since becoming a dad to his son Slimane, who is now four years old.

During his childhood Stephen was without consistent male guidance. Even with having an "wonderful" relationship with his dad, profound trauma resulted in his father had difficulty managing and was "in and out" of his life, complicating their relationship.

Stephen says suppressing emotions led him to make "bad decisions" when he was younger to alter how he was feeling, seeking comfort in alcohol and substances as an escape from the hurt.

"You find your way to substances that aren't helpful," he explains. "They can temporarily change how you are feeling, but they will ultimately make things worse."

Strategies for Managing as a First-Time Parent

• Share with someone - if you're feeling overwhelmed, tell a family member, your partner or a therapist what you're going through. This can to reduce the stress and make you feel more supported.
• Keep up your interests - make time for the pursuits that helped you to feel like you before having a baby. Examples include going for a run, meeting up with mates or gaming.
• Don't ignore the physical stuff - nutritious food, getting some exercise and where possible, getting some sleep, all contribute in how your emotional health is coping.
• Spend time with other first-time fathers - listening to their journeys, the challenges, and also the good ones, can help to validate how you're experiencing things.
• Remember that asking for help isn't failing - looking after your own well-being is the optimal method you can support your loved ones.

When his father eventually died by suicide, Stephen expectedly struggled to accept the loss, having not spoken to him for many years.

As a dad now, Stephen's determined not to "perpetuate the cycle" with his boy and instead provide the stability and emotional support he lacked.

When his son starts to have a outburst, for example, they do "shaking it out" together - processing the emotions safely.

Each of Ryan and Stephen say they have become more balanced, healthier men because they faced their struggles, altered how they communicate, and figured out how to control themselves for their kids.

"I have improved at… sitting with things and handling things," explains Stephen.

"I wrote that in a note to Leo last week," Ryan shares. "I wrote, sometimes I feel like my purpose is to teach and advise you on life, but the truth is, it's a exchange. I'm learning just as much as you are in this journey."